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Do you ever those days where you’re like what the actual fuck is happening today? well, today was one of those days.

The past couple of days i have been in this odd, discomforting mood. No beginning or  end to where this sudden overcast mood of pain and sorrow even came from.

This morning i woke up and i had so much anger within myself. Yes, this seems to happen more often than i’d like it to but today was different.  I thought i had most of these issues under control, you know with the new changes in life. Turns out, i am more sad now about the positive things in life that are happening than the negative. Is this normal?

I had a phone call with someone today who berated me and kind of fed me truth i did not want to believe. I am not even sure my life is good right now. In all honesty. I am a very indecisive person and when it comes to life decisions, i am the worst.  He said “girl, you’re almost 25..there are no more excuses for the things happening in your life anymore”.  Shit hit me like a train… The littlest words…

It is like most of these people who are no better than you, have the most to say.  

The one time i feel i am progressing and headed toward the right direction, a different part of my life is falling into shambles. How do you even balance these emotions and parts of your life in a healthy and alert way.??  Like i am so unaware of the things happening on the opposite side of whats currently happening..Not sure if it’s my mind trying to avoid or if it something that just developed in a plan.

In other words, todays feeling felt like emptiness, it felt alone.

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I have always been a one man band of support and confluence within myself.  Recently, i’ve been finding myself missing important things happening around me but id rather catch up on sleep because i’m basically working my life away. No one actually sees this but me.. I am a very tired person. I work to fill the void of emptiness and to pass time but it is also keeping me from everything. I keep blaming the jobs for this but it is 99% in my control.

I’ve been writing subtle more precise and to the point blogs lately but after todays torture, i just needed to ramble some shit. Hoping maybe it would make me feel better.

We need to nurture ourselves regularly in order to build ourselves up. We become more vulnerable to the effects of stress when we haven’t. Even if you think you’re just dealing with a bunch of daily annoyances, those tiny little things can add up. What we do on a regular basis very much affects how we will respond when we’re in a very stressful place. 

 

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